Challenges of living alone
Mental Groceries is a place to share thoughts and ideas about mental health, emotional intelligence, and productivity and reflect on daily life. Coming to you from Portugal.
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Living alone and managing your life alone are not things you are taught in school; you only learn by experience. Alain de Botton introduces a good concept: You must become your own parent. Becoming an independent adult means you need to parent yourself.
The opposite of the feeling of freedom we have when we are out living alone for the first time, and we don't eat on time, go to bed late, or eat sweets before lunch, ruining the appetite (also a bid from Jerry Seinfeld), is when we know we are getting fatter and not sleeping enough that we need to take control and parent ourselves. We need to take care of our routines and our house.
Being an adult and living alone has its challenges. I don't want to minimize the obstacles couples with or without children might have, but I want to highlight how challenging it can be to balance your life when you live alone.
If you cook for one or two, everything takes the same time. The washing machine takes the same time to wash; the clothes need to be ironed, trash out, and the toilet cleaned, and this is balanced with the work schedule and rest time. You need a day to go shopping and do chores; no one will do it for you.
Of course, you can delegate a few things, like asking for food sometimes or eating out, but it might not be sustainable in the long run.
When you live single, it takes time to manage all your things. If you are living alone, kudos to you. You are self-sufficient and can parent yourself without letting things derail too much around the house. You deserve some time off. Take it slow, saying no to social commitments is okay, to take care of yourself and your home. Of course, you can ask for help from friends when something is more significant, but we all know how little we can do that.
I know many people are scared of living alone or don't like it when going through it. Still, I’d say it's an excellent opportunity to become a better parent to yourself, more self sufficiently and know how to take care of yourself, so when you find someone to share your life won't, you won't need your partner to take care of you, but support you and help each other in equal amounts. If both can manage a household, they will know what needs to be done and can take the initiative to contribute the best.
The challenge is to find some resting time around all the tasks of managing yourself, staying healthy, and exercising. One of the most significant advantages of living alone, in my opinion, is having peace and quiet. Still, you need to be mindful of organizing your time and not getting overly occupied with the daily tasks, which, in the case of one person, becomes more than if you were sharing it with someone else.
The goal of this reflection was to give some peace of mind that it is challenging to do everything when you live it, so it's okay to have the laundry waiting, to take more time to rest, and to be kind to yourself as you move around the everyday challenges. Even though there are challenges, I love living alone and the peace that comes with it. Taking it slow and being kind is my strategy. I hope this helps others reflect on their single journey.
Now imagine moving to the country alone! I am sorry for not being here as often as I would like. Until I settle in Vienna, I can’t promise a regular newsletter. But I promise to come back with more stories and reflections after that.